Why have things been OH SOO QUIET????

I haven't written since late December, and I apologise for such the long break in writing. I have wanted to write but have been unable to as there were many things prevented me from doing so.
 

Well I am happy to announce I AM BACK and I have a bevy of stored recipes waiting and ready to be published.
 
When so much time has passed it is hard to know where to start or how to express what has been going on...
So I'll just start with the big obvious thing- my health has taken a dive and this has affected me in so many ways!
My neurological health condition has taken a front seat for a while and has forced me to drop everything so that I can purely focus on my health!!
This includes my decision to completely discontinue University for the time being- this does not mean I am giving up, but that I am just 'putting a pin' in my uni aspirations.
 
These past few months have been quite tumultuous for me and my partner M., physically and emotionally.
My IH has at times left me feeling completely physically and and emotionally ruined. When my pressures go high for an extended period of time all of my symptoms are ramped up to the extreme.
This would sometimes leave me literally incapacitated with pain; would severely affect my balance, coordination and overall mobility; leave me with poor visual and audio acuity; and impacts my cognition skills as well as my speech, language and memory.
Since December I have been in and out of hospital (and learnt that I can't really go to ED for my IH as they can't do much anyway); I have had numerous tests done (inc. EEG, MRI, LP, CT and the never ending blood tests); and I have started, stopped, increased and decreased medications.
That being said, having this time has also allowed me to explore different avenues of treatment and research further into nutrition and my other health conditions, including mind and sense of spirituality.
All of this has been very helpful considering the project I am currently in the ideas phase of... I won't tell you what it is right now, you'll find out soon enough- but it's really awesome and very positive!!
AND more importantly it has also allowed me to have the time to re-focus and re-think my pain management and overall thinking processes!!
 
For a long time I ignored my pain, and occasionally still do.
I put up walls, and did everything I could think of to block feeling the pain, just to get through the day and distract myself from it and not completely deal with it.
Yes I saw therapists (physio, psych, osteo, acupuncture, naturopath, gyneas, etc.) and I helped myself using ice packs and positive influences, but I began to rely on pain killers.
I had a tenancy to frequently push myself too far, this didn't always happen in a short space of time, but would also happen slowly over time as well (like a build up), and would lead to me harming myself in the process because I was ignoring my health!
Last month one such event occurred- it started out with just washing up, then cleaning the benches, then sweeping the kitchen, then the hallways, then moving furniture to sweep more thoroughly, then doing the stairs, then the landing, the bathroom, and dusting and damp wiping...needless to say it turned into a frenzied over the top cleaning.
My body gave me some small warning signs, but I pushed through them as “I only had one more thing to”, “I only have to finish this, then I'll sit down..”
I didn't end up stopping till I had to run to the sink, throw my guts up, and almost blacked out- I pushed WAY TOO FAR!!
I spent the rest of the day on the couch with a throbbing head, a bucket in hand, constantly throwing up and packed with ice packs.
 

I am now taking a different path, I accept and feel the pain, but I don't let it control me. I still use distractions but I aim to make them positive.
I use nutrition, diet, daily stretches and weekly meditation, holistic therapy, and light exercise (swimming is great). Each plays a big big role. I focus on little things and short term goals instead of long term ones (so I feel like I'm actually
getting somewhere). 
I use a folder to document my progress in slowly rebuilding strength, thresholds and resistance levels.
I am finding that changing my thinking patterns, balancing and choosing options for my pain management is influencing much more than just my pain!!!
It turns out I was ignoring much more than my pain. And other areas in my life were negatively impacted, including at times my partner M.
I am finding that by changing my thinking and reactions I am becoming more aware of EVERYTHING and I am able to prioritise these 'everythings' more rationally.
This does mean that yes I feel the pain all the time, but it also means that I am learning different ways to alleviate the pain and to also use the pain as a guide during my therapy sessions...with my therapists guidance I am now clearly seeing a decrease in muscle tension, inflammation and injury.
My muscles, with time, will slowly learn to finally let go, as they have for such a long time been holding on. And with this comes less pain!!
 
This time off has allowed me to recuperate and refresh.
There will be a few changes over the coming months for the blog and refocused direction.
You will also regularly see posts, or snippets, about the upcoming project that I am working on.
I hope you stick by me and that you like the new directions I am heading in.
All feedback is not just welcome, but eagerly wanted.
xo